So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
