i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
