Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
