im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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