If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
