You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
