I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
