I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
