We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
