Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
