I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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