my phone needs a breathalizer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize