im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
