"it" just moved
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
