Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
