At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
