Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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