I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
