Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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