I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is Oprah even human
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
