I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize