my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
