New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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