dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
