he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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