so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
