dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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