Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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