rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
