Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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