worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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