I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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