so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
