She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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