Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
farters have to be the big spoon...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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