I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize