Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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