pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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