Don't you send me to vm
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
