I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
