We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She bit a glass in half.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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