dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
