So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
