College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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