Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
