You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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