I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
