I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We have started to decorate penises.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
