my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
