now i know why i became what i already was.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
