i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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