I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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