We need to rekindle our bromance
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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