Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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