I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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