Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
