I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
