My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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