and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
