maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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