Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
