jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
