after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
