He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
