she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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