I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
