What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
